We set off on an adventure, that summer day. We were off to have the kind of fun one only seems to be able to have when they’re not yet bogged down by the stress of “real life.” Put simply, we were teenagers, and future stretched out before us, endlessly. The world was our oyster. Not one of us had come from a great family. We each had experiences with some sort of trauma or dysfunction, something to make us feel a bit broken. It’s likely what drew us to each other. A recognition. Something in the look of our eyes. Yet, despite all we had already learned, we still had innocence. The ability to let go of life’s problems, even if only for an evening. The carefree minds of… well, children.
Before our road trip, we stopped at the gas station for some snacks. We took silly pictures of each other with different items. A two-liter of Coca-Cola. A box of Cheez-its. An entire baguette. With these two, everything was the funniest thing ever.
I was the designated driver. I think I might’ve been the only one out of the three of us to have a license at the time. I had a car, too, but for some reason that day I’d asked my dad to borrow his car instead of using mine. I think the rationale was that my dad’s car had better gas mileage. Our destination was two hours away from home. However, knowing that my dad would be unlikely to allow me to go if he knew how far it was, I lied to him. I told him we were going to Indianapolis. Even this lie is evidence of how naïve I was. How inconsiderate I was of everything that could go wrong, and how those wrong things would be made much more wrong when my guardian has no real idea where I was. I imagine the other girls told their families the truth. I was ecstatic anyway. With such little notice, it was a miracle my dad was allowing me to go. He wasn’t a fan of spur of the moment adventures, but that’s precisely what this was.
Alina had brought a CD. I can’t remember the details, but I do remember Gogol Bordello coming out of the sound system that was much fancier than any Dodge Neon had the right to be. I remember feeling a bit envious of the girls’ friendship. They had been friends with each other much longer than either of them had been friends with me. Of course, growing up in such a small town, we knew each other. I just hadn’t become their friend until high school. Aside from their obvious closeness, I was also distracted by driving. I was unable to join in on their silly antics. Both of them sat in the back seat, so as to not leave each other alone. I tried to put it out of my mind. Once we reached our destination, we were destined to have a great time.
The music was loud, too loud for conversation. Only laughter and singing along. I kept hearing an interesting sound. At first, I thought it was some sort of cow bell, and I remember thinking what an interesting choice that was for a song. I ignored it at first, pushing the little beater car to 70 miles per hour on the interstate. But then, in the silence between two songs, I kept hearing it. I turned the stereo down, asking the girls, “Do you hear that?” We all did. It was some sort of alarm, indicating something was wrong with the car. Knowing nothing about cars, I did what I felt was all I could do. I drove to the next exit, getting off the interstate.
Anxiously, I rolled into the parking lot of a Love’s truck stop with an attached McDonald’s. I knew enough to at least pop the hood open. I secretly hoped someone older and wiser than me would stop to ask if they could help. One man did ask us if we were okay, but the girls answered before I could, telling him we were fine. He drove off. I sighed, getting my phone out to call my dad. I, of course, was scared to death, knowing my dad would be pissed. I described to him what had happened, and he was knowledgeable enough to know from my scattered telling of the story that the radiator must be overheating. He warned me to not, under any circumstances, take the cap off until the car had cooled. He had clearly been drinking and was in no position to come retrieve us. He told me to figure something out. I hung up, turning to the girls. I explained to them what my dad had said, and also mentioned that he wouldn’t be able to help us today. “Any ideas?” I asked them.
Alina stepped up and called her grandfather. Thankfully, he agreed to come get us. We had traveled an hour or so already, so we would have to wait in the McDonald’s for him. Relieved, we all went inside. Maybe we bought some fries or drinks. I can’t remember. I do remember feeling so ashamed. If only I had taken my car, we wouldn’t be in this mess. If only my dad wasn’t an alcoholic, he could’ve saved the day. I know the girls weren’t concerned at all about it. Nor were they viewing me in such a negative light, but my mood was sour. I was convinced they’d never want to be my friends after this.
At first, we were a bit hopped up on adrenaline. We were laughing and joking around. We took some selfies, and as we did, a woman approached us. She gracefully offered to take a picture of the three of us. Then, when she handed me my phone back, she said to us, “You know girls, everything is going to be okay.” This woman, who had no idea who we were or why were there, stranded in a McDonald’s, gave us those comforting words. We took them with us. We would need them.
Eventually, waiting became exhausting. “Is your grandpa almost here?” we asked, I’m sure more than once. Time seemed to stretch on forever in that McDonald’s. It became a sort of joke, we’d be trapped there forever. “Thankfully,” we jested, “Love’s has free showers.” We each receded into our own little introverted bubbles, killing time by scrolling through social media on our phones.
Finally, Chris came to save the day. Even better, our plans weren’t ruined. Chris agreed to take us there, stay with us, and bring us back home. My dad and I would deal with his car the next day. I felt so grateful for Chris in that moment, and that ping of envy returned. Why couldn’t my father be as reliable?
We drove the remaining miles to our destination. At the time, Alina was seeing a boy. He was kind of a Big Deal. He was in a band with a few other guys, one of which Chey was definitely crushing on. I decided to keep my eye out, in case one of the guys piqued my interest. Anyway, Alina’s boyfriend’s band was playing a show at a church. We arrived in a town, seemingly smaller than our own tiny home town. We found the church easily, and excitedly exited Chris’s vehicle. I was nervous. At this point in my life, I was more awkward than I’ve ever been before or since. The idea of meeting new people terrified me, and honestly, I wasn’t yet totally comfortable with the girls. The friendship was a brand new, blossoming one. I set my fears aside. I wanted to have a good night.
The first sign that things might be weird was that the entire church smelled like pee. There were quite a few people there. Two bands were to play before Alina’s boyfriend’s. We got to meet up with them before they played, though they were a bit busy unloading gear from their van. I remember it feeling pretty awkward. Alina herself was not that comfortable with her boyfriend. I can’t remember how long they’d been together at that point, but it certainly wasn’t long. Chey was hardcore crushing on another member, which was awkward too. He didn’t seem all that into her, but she talked to him exclusively in that flirty teenage girl way. She laughed way too hard when he made a joke, and swooned over every word he said. Finally, the music was about to begin.
The first two bands were… interesting. I honestly, all these years later, cannot remember much at all. They didn’t make much of an impression, except that I definitely remember they were not good. I felt as if I was just killing time waiting for the main attraction. I was sweaty and uncomfortable. Additionally, even in high school, I was a chain smoker. Chris had no idea I smoked, and I was terrified for him to find out. A lot of my anxiety stemmed from a lack of nicotine. I was able to sneak away at some point and get one in, but I absolutely couldn’t wait to go home, where there was no restriction on my smoke inhalation. After what felt like an eternity, Grapevine Fires took the stage.
Right away, I noticed the drummer. He wasn’t wearing shoes, and that was all it took. I was in love. Well, infatuated. You were a teenager once, too. I’m sure you understand. Despite my infatuation, I knew there was absolutely no way in hell I was going to be able to talk to him. Or any of them for that matter. Their music was GOOD. I remember being shocked by how professional they sounded. Alina had shown me a few of their songs before hand, so I was even able to sing along at some points. We jumped and dance. Our time had come, and we were living it up. I’ve no idea how it all started, but at some point in high school, I used to say “I give it 5 and a half digs” for all the things I liked. During the band’s set, I turned to Alina and yelled over the music, “I’m gonna have to raise it to 10 digs!” We laughed like it was the funniest thing I’d ever said. Laughing would become the theme of our relationship as the years passed.
Regrettably, the last note of the last song rang out. I was immediately disappointed, as well as afraid of what came next. I knew after the music wasn’t there as a distraction, it would then be time to… socialize. Surrounded by way too many strangers, fiending for a cigarette, I felt totally out of my element. My skin was crawling, not only because of the anxiety but because the church just felt kind of gross. Still, I followed the girls as they descended the stairs into the basement. There was some food available. People milled all about. We three sat at a table by ourselves. We watched one of the band members from a distance. There was a girl following him around. Chey was completely and utterly steaming with jealousy. We sat, and I remember this feeling of anticipation. I was sure that something was bound to happen. The entire night I’d felt like that, and yet I wasn’t really having fun. I felt like I was waiting for the fun to happen.
We continued watching the man of Chey’s affection. I turned to her at some point, trying to reassure her. “Look at him, he’s not even paying attention to that girl.” As if on cue, we looked and the girl was suddenly acting weird. Her eyes seemed to be rolling into the back of her head. She sat, shock still, but her eyes were going crazy. I looked around. No one else seemed to notice, not even the man sat next to her. I asked the girls what the hell was going on. “Is she on drugs?” I demanded. Neither of them knew, nor did we go over to her. Alina and Chey continued living in their own little world. I watched the girl. She returned to normal, and it seemed the man finally realized something had happened. They exchanged some words. The girl got up and left. The man got up, too. Not to follow her, though, and that was our cue. All three of us got up to follow Josh.
It was decided that Alina, Chey, all of the band, Josh’s parents, Chris, and I would go to the local Denny’s for dinner. When we arrived, the place was nearly empty. It was, of course, getting late. I had not expected dining out, so I hadn’t brought any money. Graciously, Chris offered to pay for my meal. Alina and Chey sat together near Alina’s boyfriend and Josh. I ended up between the drummer I’d fallen in love with, Dolan and Chris. Mostly, I sat in silence while Chris interviewed Dolan. I did manage to get a few words in, but nothing remarkable. Nothing I did that night was remarkable. I would hear every now and then Alina and Chey cracking up together. It was so bizarre. I did feel happy for them. I was glad they were having a good time. Yet myself, I was miserable. I wanted nothing more than to disappear.
Finally, it was time to return home. We all exited the restaurant together. We managed to be a huge crowd. It was weird timing, but as soon as we got out into the parking lot, a gaggle of bikers showed up. They were all wearing skeleton masks for some reason. I never did find out what that was all about. Out in the parking lot, we all continued our conversations. This time, however, I was able to join in with Alina and Chey. We were laughing with another member of the band, Destin. I kept trying to crack jokes, it really was the only thing I ever felt good at. I remember none of them seemed to land that night. Alina proclaimed, “I have got to go to bed RIGHT NOW.” Destin began laughing hysterically, repeating her sentence. It became the funniest inside joke of the night.
We all piled back into Chris’s car. I decided to sleep all the way home. I was feeling so glad that Chris had come after all. I was so exhausted, I know I wouldn’t have wanted to drive home if I’d been the one to get us there. After that thought, the anxiety of having to tell my dad the truth returned. I took a deep breath. That would be a worry for tomorrow, I decided. I dozed off.
We got back to Alina’s house. I was planning to stay the night with the two girls, but the night had simply been too much for me, and I was in desperate need of a cigarette. I told Alina I was going to go home. She seemed very surprised, but accepted. She asked if I needed a ride. I declined. I didn’t live that far, I was just going to walk. So I did. It was 3 o’clock in the morning. The town was dead. I got a couple blocks away before I lit my cigarette, but once I did the relief was immediate. I almost considered going back to Alina’s. I didn’t though. I lit one cigarette right after another until I got home. Then I sank into bed, and finally, fell right to sleep.
That night will forever live in infamy. It was such a strange time in my life. I’ve learned a lot about myself since then, and I’m happy to say I no longer smoke nor do I feel so… detached from myself. And of course, Alina and I have become the best of friends. Time stopped in that McDonald’s, it’s true. But it also kept going, and thank God for that.
