Time Passes Anyway

It is strange how time passes. You blink and suddenly 5 months have gone by. I had great intentions of spending my summer writing a weekly blog. I did, at least, write more than I anticipated. I worked extensively on my memoir, and I got further than I have in the past. I’ve started writing it three or four times. Each time, I reach a certain point and the momentum fizzles out. I stop working on it for months. Then, by the time I begin writing again, I hate the work I’ve already completed, and I opt to start all over. Since beginning writing four or so years ago, I had never gotten past chapter five. Over this summer, though, I got close to chapter twenty! So my blog fell to the wayside.

As time progresses, it becomes more insurmountable to write another post. It’s like I put this pressure on myself to write, and the longer I go without doing so, the harder it is to start again. I have fleeting ideas now and then about things I could write, but they never move further than the notes app on my phone. It’s true that right now, nursing school is taking up all of my time and energy. With three hour lectures, twelve hour clinicals, and simulation labs, it’s hard to find time for myself. Add to that all the hours I have to work to support myself and the hours I must spend studying outside of class, well there’s little left to work with.

So what have I been up to?

In early June, I was a bridesmaid in my friend’s beautiful wedding. I took a summer chemistry course online. I worked, a lot. I saw Stevie Nicks in concert, and it made me cry. I dog sat for a family while they went on vacation. I started a podcast with my friend, Alina. I went to a Mudvayne concert with Josh. We even spent a night camping beneath the Perseids meteor shower. I worked some more, then went to an August Burns Red concert on the week school began.

School kind of hit me like a ton of rocks this semester. It immediately was demanding of my time, with simulation labs in the morning and lecture in the afternoon. I had planned to work a lot, but found myself with no time to do so. I’ve been doing well enough, keeping up with the content. I find this semester to be full of more “nursey” things than ever.

My first clinical this semester was in a psych ward of a large hospital. I walked into it believing that it wasn’t for me. I felt I had had plenty of experience in a psych ward, and that I knew it wasn’t something I was interested in. That being said, I’d only ever experienced it from a patient’s perspective. I kept an open mind as I ventured into the complete opposite side of the spectrum. I was surprised to realize just how much I loved it. There was a sense of belonging, almost right away. It solidified in my mind that I am doing the right thing by going into nursing. I think sometimes, the politics and mundane lectures can get to me. I forget what the essence of what I’m doing is. Clinical is a reminder of the people I will go on to help. I’m now very interested in becoming a psych nurse, but I’m still keeping an open mind as I move forward.

Right now, I’m in my first medical/surgical clinical. There’s a lot more nursing skills being learned, with medications, IVs, and wound dressing changes. I’m enjoying it a lot, and I feel like I’m learning more than ever. Next semester, I’ll have another med/surg clinical in addition to an OB clinical.

Life has been jam packed, yet sometimes I get this persisting feeling that I am not doing enough. I feel like I waste a lot of time, scrolling through social media. I don’t feel like I have that much time to work on the things that I value, but the reality is if I unplugged a bit more, I could unlock many hours. I guess there’s also an element of having expectations of myself that are unrealistic, and when I can’t keep up with them, I get hard on myself. It’s something I’m working on, but it’s hard to remember to give myself grace.

For now, that’s all I have to say, but I do have a lot of ideas for future blog posts! Hopefully you’ll see them a bit sooner than five months from now 😉

Thanks for sticking around, and thanks for reading.

B