Being a College Student in 2020

What a year it’s been, am I right? If you read my blog somewhat regularly, you may have noticed it’s been quite some time since my last post. I’ve been extremely busy with my college courses. I figured there wasn’t much better topic than discussing my current experience.

First and foremost I’d like to say, if you haven’t attended college but think you might like to, GO FOR IT! When I first told my dad I wasn’t going to attend college directly after high school, he warned me. “If you don’t go to school now,” he said, “you’ll never go to school.” I don’t think my dad is alone in believing this. It’s a common idea that holding off on going to college means you’ll be less likely to attend in the future. While I’m not here to dispute the statistics on that, I would venture to say if we didn’t teach our kids that if they don’t go now then they never will that they might actually be more likely to attend college even if they take a break in between! That being said, life can very easily get in the way. Had I had children between high school and now, it certainly would make attending college more difficult for me now. It’s also possible that students who qualify for financial aid straight out of high school will lose that if they do not attend college right away. That was true for me– I was a 21st century scholar recipient, but because I chose not to attend fresh out of high school, I forfeited that financial aid. So, cost as an older adult can be challenging. Debt is scary. However, there are more affordable options, and loans don’t typically require you to pay them until you’ve fully graduated and are in the work force.

Another aspect I’ve put a lot of thought into is the insane amount of pressure we put on kids to attend college immediately. I know for me, it was simply expected that I would attend college. It wasn’t until I was a senior in high school that I realized I might have another option. I felt like there was something wrong with me for not having figured out what I wanted to do with my life. There were plenty of options that were of interest to me, but the idea of picking something that I’d have to do for the rest of my life? That was more difficult that choosing my own coffin. It felt like a death sentence. Perhaps this was just me, but I truly think there’s this misconception about college and careers going around. That you will find a singular purpose in this life, go to college to receive the certification, and then go on to make that purpose your career until you retire. I don’t know where we got these ideas, because more often than not, it doesn’t work that way. At all. Now more than ever, those in the work force are actually encouraged to be more flexible and willing to change careers multiple times. While it’s true some people do fall into their purpose in life, it isn’t realistic to expect everyone’s dreams to play out so smoothly. For me personally, if I had indeed attended college directly after high school, it’s likely I would have crashed and burned. I wasn’t ready. It was hard enough adjusting to being an adult, let alone worrying about exams and fitting in and studying. Being that I didn’t have a family to fall back on, I almost certainly would’ve fallen into depression, drugs, and alcohol (not that that didn’t happen anyway.) The stress of college on top of the stress of being independent would have been too much for me. I know myself enough to know that at least.

Because I gave myself ample time to get to know who I was before forcing myself to enroll in college, my life has been better for it. I’ve entered college with a much more solid identity. I am an adult with adult responsibilities, and I think it allows me to appreciate the finer details more than my younger counterparts. I see all of the hard work put into lessons by my professors and I wanna give them a huge hug for making my part so easy. They hand out resources like it’s candy, and yet I watch as many students don’t take advantage of them. Additionally, I feel much more driven to succeed. College is not just another step expected of me, it’s something I’m actively doing to better myself and prepare a meaningful future for me and my boyfriend. I think if more kids gave themselves a bit of time before attending college, they wouldn’t feel so lost and alone. It is so important to know who you are. In college, life can be so fast paced that you barely have time to think let alone grow! Knowing what I know now, I don’t regret not attending college right away in the slightest. I think everything worked out for me quite well. But I didn’t always think that would be true.

Here I am, now. I graduated high school almost 5 years ago. For a long while, I believed what my dad said was true. I believed I’d totally thrown away my shot at any real success in life. Even a couple years after graduating, I was still lost. I didn’t have any idea of what career would be good for me. I bounced from minimum wage job to minimum wage job, hoping something would stick eventually. Fortunately for me, one of those jobs was indeed the reason I decided to go back to school. I worked the night shift at an assisted living facility. I loved it. I got to know some really awesome people (who happened to be old,) and I really got to explore my love of taking care of others. In high school, I had assisted with an elderly lady at her home, but I don’t think it sunk in then. The year at the assisted living facility definitely opened my mind to new paths for my life. Towards the end of my time there, we hired a new third shift employee. She happened to be in nursing school and was looking for a part time job. I spent two 8 hour shifts with her, and because those shifts were at night, we had ample opportunity to talk. We got to know each other pretty quickly and realized we were similar. I had made a new friend! It didn’t happen immediately, but eventually we began talking more, sometimes hanging out. The idea of nursing school became more and more intriguing to me the more I talked with my new friend. I contemplated for close to a year before actually following through. And thanks to Haley, it was a relatively stress-free process. She took every single question I had with stride, never getting annoyed with the volume. She went above and beyond to be helpful (she still does!) I don’t think I ever would’ve been able to do it without her. Not to mention the support of my boyfriend. If it weren’t for him, college wouldn’t be possible for me either. This year, despite all the stress and craziness, has showed me how much I have to be grateful for. Not a day goes by that I do not feel unbelievably lucky for the life I’ve managed to make for myself. It feels like it’s all uphill from here. I’m not delusional. Life isn’t perfect. But even my worse days now are nothing compared to the depression I used to live in. I am in love with being alive, but that’s a topic for another time.

It’s not easy. I work third shift on the weekends and revert to day shift through the week. I have ungodly amounts of homework and studying. Anatomy especially is kicking my butt. If I go a single day without studying, I’m already behind. There is no such thing as a day off, and even when I do have some down time, my mind is racing about all the things I need to accomplish. There’s not much time to hang out with friends, and up until recently, my boyfriend and I were on completely different schedules. We got to see each other for a handful of hours every week. It’s been stressful and overwhelming. Yet, it’s also been fulfilling. I’m proving to myself what I am capable of. I am working towards my dreams, actively. I’m no longer waiting for life to happen to me; I’m making life happen. And boy does it feel good!

 Going to college years after graduating was scary. I was not at all confident in my ability to succeed. I worried the stress would still be too much for me. I bombarded Haley with every single question my anxious mind could muster. Some things that wouldn’t even affect me for the first two years of my college career I was already demanding the answers to. I talked incessantly with Josh, pondering my capability. Was this the right choice for me? Then, when the pandemic happened, I froze. There was a solid month or two that I reconsidered every move I’d made until that point. What if nursing wasn’t it for me? What if I couldn’t handle it? What if I don’t make it? What if… Thankfully, I’d previously adopted this idea that the things most scary are the ones that we need to do the most. I took the leap and enrolled at a small community college for the fall semester. In a lot of ways, it’s still frightening. I worry about the state of the world and all of the potential obstacles in my way. Four years can drag on quite a bit when you feel like your future is hinging upon it. I’m eager to get college done with, to give myself a bit of security in this insecure world.

That brings me to my final points. What is it like being a college student in 2020? Well, it’s strange to say the least. For me, my classes are all “hybrid” courses. This means that on one day of the week, I attend my classes via an online video chat platform called Zoom. On the other day of the week, I attend lectures in person. A lot of the desks remain empty, or they are spaced 6 feet apart. Every student wears a mask at all times on campus, except in the cafeteria. It feels isolating and lonely. Whispers cannot be shared across the aisle. You don’t realize how much you rely on lip reading until you no longer can. Part of the isolation is due to the fact that I am the oldest person in most of my classes. I don’t feel like I can totally relate to the others in my classes. Though, I don’t know it would be different even if they were my age. There are some things I’ve experienced (namely my traveling) that make it difficult to relate to anyone. Mostly, it’s weird. Seeing everyone, faces covered, eyes cast down. It’s like we’re afraid to make the wrong move, say the wrong thing. It feels like we tiptoe around the elephant in the room. There are agreements everyone has to make before attending school at my college. They’ve made flu vaccines mandatory for every attendee. If you happen to come in contact with someone who has tested positive for COVID, you have to immediately quarantine yourself for 2 weeks, even if no symptoms arise. You can be selected for random testing at any time. It really is an intense college experience.

Nothing about the way I’ve conducted my life so far has been traditional or conventional. I don’t know what I expected out of my life, but I can say I am pleasantly surprised by the current result. That being said, my life is far from over. I’ve got a lot of living left to do. I just kind of feel like I can handle anything. Life has become so liberating once I accepted that I have control. I can make my own choices, be the director of my own life. I wish any of you happenstance readers that feel as if you have no choice can hear me and realize that there is always a choice. No matter what you were taught, what those around you say, there is always a way. Life is far too short to sit around wondering about all the what ifs, but if you must, here’s one to ponder: What if it all works out?